Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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