so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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