I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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