I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My hand turned me down
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
