you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
