road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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