I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
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She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
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Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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