Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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