New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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