ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
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Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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