They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
