you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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