one might say we're banned from that church
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
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Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
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I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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