My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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