nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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