Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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