I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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