What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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