We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
