mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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