i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
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You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
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It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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