It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
