Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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