I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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