Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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