About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
