Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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