You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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