Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.