she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
vagina is talking i cant
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.