Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
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Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.