Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?