I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.