I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go