plz talk dirty to me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.