I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
