dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.