So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?