twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
His hands were made for my vagina.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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