The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
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He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
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I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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