i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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