Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!