I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
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High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor