I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
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That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
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Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him