i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
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get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.