oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing