no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail