The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.