He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
