It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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