i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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