I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize