He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
