umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
