If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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