can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
