Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
