I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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