I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize