when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize