Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize