just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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