I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I feel like I smell like bad decisions