I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...