I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing