i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
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Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
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You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.